Begin Again

It’s been a while since I posted anything.  I have no excuse…actually I have loads of excuses, but that’s all they are – excuses.

The initial reason I missed the first week was because I gained weight.  It wasn’t much but it was enough to make my mood spiral.  I think, really, it was just the last straw.  My life has been in a bit of upheaval over the last few weeks and then to put on weight just topped everything off.

I gave up.

With each week that has gone by I tell myself, “This is the week I am going to write something on my blog,” and then inevitably I didn’t.  I always had a very legitimate excuse but the more time between blog posts, the harder it was to write one.

It has made me take a good look at myself.  Why was I resisting something that I had started with all good intentions?

I was recently reminded about something that I knew about myself but that I sort of forgot…I am a beginner.

No, not how you think.  When I say, “I am a beginner,” I mean that I like to begin things.  Strike that.  I LOVE to begin things.

A lot of authors dread the first blank page of a novel they are starting.  I love it!  In fact I love it so much that if a story I am currently working on starts to give me trouble, I will begin a new one.

I am a morning person.  I love mornings.  I love the beginning of the day.  I love the sunrise and the endless possibilities that a morning presents.

I love the beginning of a new book I am reading.  I love those first few sentences that introduce me to the story and the characters.  I love the beginnings of movies too.

When we opened our cafe, the bit I loved most was all the stuff that came before it opened.  I loved the design stage, the concept stage.

I love change.  I used to think it was because I got bored easily but I’ve come to realise that it is actually more to do with beginning.  There is a certain energy about the start of something new.  There is beginning energy.

There is also ending energy.  As we come to the end of the year, everything starts to wind down.  In reality, the end of the year is no different to the start of a year.  Time is relative.  But because we have assigned a calendar to mark our days and months and years, when we reach the end of a year we all feel that winding down.  We put things off so we can start them fresh in the new year.

I am okay at endings.  I feel that winding down and I definitely notice a different energy when I am finishing a book (whether reading or writing it).  What I am not good at is middles.

I hate the middle.  I struggle to write the middle of a novel.  I get bored in the middle of a movie.  I dread the middle of the week.  I tend to tune out in the middle of a conversation.  I find the middle of anything seemingly interminable.

So how does that relate to this blog and my lack of posting?

As I’ve said.  I love beginning.  I have begun about six different blogs.  I have begun many more books than I’ve finished.  I have begun many more diets than I’ve stuck with.  I’ve started at least three different businesses.  I am a good beginner but I am lousy at the middle bit.

I have trained myself to get through that ‘sticky middle’ when I write.  I had to otherwise I would never have finished a book.  I’ve trained myself to stick through the middle of things even when I’ve lost that beginning motivation.  But the one thing I always have trouble with is sticking with the whole diet/healthy lifestyle/taking control of my diabetes thing.  I always start with good intentions and tell myself that this time I am going to do it.  I even started this blog as a way of keeping myself accountable. But I still fell victim to that awful middle bit.

So.  I am beginning again.  This will be my last post for this year, but come January I am going to renew my commitment to writing this blog and to getting myself healthy.  I know this is the equivalent of saying ‘I’ll start my diet on Monday,’ but I know I need the beginning energy of the new year to help me.

I am going to try and commit to writing at least one post every week for the next twelve months.  By this time next year I want to have proof that I can stick through the middle bit and have something to show for it at the end.

What is it that you are having trouble sticking with?  What is it that you can commit to doing once a week for the next year?  It might be as simple as saving a little bit of money every week (and not spending it) or, like me, you might be committing to changing your lifestyle so that you can be healthier and happier.  Whatever it is, use the beginning energy of January to commit to something that will give you a tangible reward at the end of next year and we can compare notes!

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